If you know me in real life you know my toxic traits are my lack of patience and quick to anger grudge holding attitude. I'm not proud of it, it’s just the facts. I am the harshest on myself as most people are. Prior to this whole crazy pregnancy/cancer/chemo/surgery wild ride I have been on, I took my health and fitness very seriously. I was working out nearly everyday and sometimes several times a day. Don’t follow that idea, it probably wasn’t the healthiest mindset but it was what it was. I could wake up at 4am, run a 5k in under 30 mins, work a 12 hour day, take a 45 min spin class, eat dinner and go to bed just to repeat it the next day like it was nothing at all.

Flash forward to the pregnancy from H-E- double hockey sticks and I found myself having gained a TON of weight (thanks eclampsia + my spaghetti craving) and then having surgery recovery restrictions on workouts. I would try to push myself to workout even through chemo and cut my “don’t workout for 8 weeks” rule down to more like 4 weeks but then I wouldn’t be able to perform in the gym or on my run the way that I had before and get discouraged and quit. There have been several nights of tears over the pace of my run or the output from my peloton ride and that mindset is so harsh.

I have two amazing nieces and sometimes I find myself pausing the conversation to myself in my head and asking myself if I would talk to them the way that I am talking to myself. Would I ever tell them that could have run further or pushed themselves to lift heavier? Absolutely not! I would tell them how proud I am that they worked hard and listened to their bodies. If you wouldn’t say it to a child why can you say it to yourself?

Taking a step back and putting myself as outside looking in I know that my body has been through a lot in the last two years and that I shouldn’t be able to do the things I was doing previously. Knowing that realistically and knowing that emotionally are two very different beasts. I am learning to give myself the grace that I try to extend to others. I find that this is applicable to not only my workout performance but in so many other aspects of my life. So many things have changed and I need to give myself the grace to accept those changes.

Why is being kind to ourselves so difficult? Why do we hold ourselves to unreasonable standards yet we make excuses for everyone else? Grace isn’t an excuse to be lazy or to not have high expectations for yourself. You are capable of doing great things and sometimes that takes a little push but don’t push yourself too hard. You are capable of doing great things. You are capable of doing great things. You are capable of doing great things. Find grace for yourself along the way to doing those great things.

Whether it be your workouts, body image, career, marriage, relationships, finances, whatever it is, extend yourself some grace. Are you trying your best? Is it making you happy or are you working toward making yourself happy? You deserve some grace then! Change is hard and adjusting to them is even harder. Talk to yourself the way you would a child and see if that doesn’t help you be a little bit kinder to yourself.

Kindness starts with yourself. The whole “you reap what you sow” concept is so true! Be kind to yourself first and foremost and see how that shapes your interactions with others. How can you extend yourself some grace today?